A month ago my granddaughter Elizabeth would not swim without a child size tube/float around her waist. She was always terrified of sinking under water. She was unlike her older brother Andrew, who at the age of one, was jumping in the family pool and happily swimming underwater. One day I plunged my head underwater to see whether he was struggling and found him smiling back at me with his pearly whites as if he was trained at Sea World! Fearless!
Last week Elizabeth , who had recently graduated to “swimmies” that are inflated with air and go over the forearms decided it was time to toss them to the side as she he yelled, “ Look Grandma!", while sliding down the ladder at the deep end of the pool. A stunningly proud moment to be sure, albeit a scary one for Grandma. Today she turned four years old, who knows what the next great feat will be?
As I watch her play and dare new things, a part of me feels light and joyful. In her innocence, spontaneity and boundless energy, she helps me appreciate life. Elizabeth lives each moment as it is meant to be lived, fully and consciously.
I sit writing this at 3 am because I cannot sleep. I like Martha in the bible, must worry. How will I pay the bills? How will my husbands back surgery go? Will I ever get a job? What clothes do I even have to wear if I do? Should I clean the car, garage, refrigerator, and attic? Have a garage sale? Is there anything even worth selling? The grass needs to be cut too, I should do that tomorrow.
Will I ever feel life is good again or will it just be a continuation of my “To Do List” which consists of worries for today and every day thereafter?
Martha wanted help while she fretted over dinner preparations, but Jesus’ answer was “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” Luke 10:41 More to say about Martha's contributions in a later post.
Mary was in the right place at the right time. She in that moment was listening and spending time with Jesus. Like my granddaughter Elizabeth, Mary was fully immersed in the moment. Like Elizabeth, Mary reminds me where I need to be when I am feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and discouraged. I need to be immersed, and totally submerged in Gods word. Fearless in Gods love and promises TODAY. Grateful for how He keeps me afloat NOW, and joyful in every new attempt in successfully growing closer in trust of his divine providence each and every moment.
P.S.- Since I have posted this I have through the grace of God received a job, and my husband is recovering from back surgery. Things are not perfect as the world defines it, or problem free, but God is a merciful and loving God <3
By : Theresa Scibelli
3 comments:
Its true, and its a lesson I've learned over and over again throughout stages of life. I feel like I'm "losing the race", like my feet are behind and my eyes and my hopes are stuck in concern for the unknown future. Well, that future comes one way or the other, and things are going to change. Always will- and when they do I glance back at what life was like when I last felt like I was "losing the race", and that seems like an infinitely amazing time period that I was too blind to see the beauty and joy in. Why was I unable to see it at that time? Human nature I guess. We take so much for granted.
"Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Keep straight the path of your feet, and all your ways will be sure."
- Proverbs 4:25-26
I think when we are keeping our "eyes looking directly forward, and our gaze straight before us" it means focus on the goal. When we look backwards we focus on the safety of the past and the fear of the unknown.
My worries about the future have never come to pass the way I had imagined therefore it's safe to classify my worrying as fantasy. None the less I still succumb to it. Thank you for the reminder Theresa that my best weapon is the living word of God. Allow me to share a few verses that have help boost me out of the vortex of worry. 8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4 . God bless and he really does love you.
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